Pregnancy. The most sacred time in a woman's life. To bear witness to new life. To grow, nurture, harness, evolve. I am so incredibly grateful for my two precious babies. With one perfectly normal pregnancy and birth, and one completely horrendous one I can genuinely relate to most birth stories. I've got a pretty well rounded experience. My youngest is now 2.5 yrs and I am in a position to look back on the last 5 years of journeying into motherhood with a vastly different perspective.
Something I hadn't counted on was how much I would transform and grow. The evolution of myself. I honestly thought I would stay the same person! It's laughable now, and such a reflection of how I thought I knew everything. I had achieved great success in my career, completed two degrees, had a nice house, car, ate out at all the fancy restaurants and spent far too much money on clothes and wine. Clearly I was in for some hard-core life lessons.
It's no mistake that life begins in the Sacral Chakra. The centre of creativity, pleasure and freedom brings forth new life to the world. Pregnancy is a time when we are most closely connected to ourselves, we are most open to being our true expression. We can be liberated of all the armoury and revel in the feminine life blood, deep in the knowledge that you have a sacred role in bringing new souls incarnate. It's wonderful if you are already in that space, but if you're not - say if you're an analytical, over-achieving, control freak like me - then it can become a pretty uncomfortable space.
Being pregnant, heading into birth, the whole motherhood gig can be pretty bloody intimidating.
The physical transformation is one thing, but the mental and emotional is quite another. As the birth inched closer I may found myself relating to others differently, questioning who I was and why on earth I thought this was a good idea. Questions abounded about what kind of mother I would be, how I would know what to do, how I would feel about this new human, about myself, about my husband. I changed my mind often - spending the last few months looking forward to holding my baby, then couldn’t wait for it to be over, then all of a sudden I’d rather baby stayed right where it was, safe and sound, well fed, happy and comfortable. Fears came to the fore about losing my identity and failing at the new one, about loving something so much I would be consumed by it. Genuine fears about birthing, tearing, pooing on my baby, drugs, emergency c-sections, and the pain. And really deep, secret fears surface - the kind you don't say out loud - like what happens if I don't like being a mother? ALL PERFECTLY NORMAL. But not the kind of thoughts you want running the joint.
In this state of mind my first birth and entry into motherhood was exactly as expected - traumatic, overwhelming and confusing and in no time I ended up with Post-Natal Depression. Not really a surprise. While I navigated my way out of the depression at about 9 months, the after-effects lasted well into the birth of my second baby (which was again traumatic but for entirely different reasons) and it wasn’t until I became an EFT Practitioner that I started to wake up to what I had been carrying around in my head and heart, and released it. All the guilt, shame, worthiness issues and huge, huge fears I held about who I was and whether I was enough came to the surface and RELEASED. I was able to accept myself, forgive and move forward into my own skin - stretched as it was ;)
EFT is a secret weapon against the roller-coaster of motherhood.
EFT can help you shift the emotional charge associated with what's going on, so you can get to the bottom of the fear that's presenting itself and work through into a calmer state. Calm in what you want in pregnancy, birth and when you bring baby home. Lots of calm :)
I was recently working with a lovely mama, late in the third trimester of her first pregnancy. She was struggling with managing the relationships with both her mother and mother-in-law, trying to please them both and also stay true to herself and what she wanted for her birthing experience. As we tapped, she realised that as a child she had felt responsible for her own mother in the family dynamic, that she had played small so as not to be a burden. Now, at this incredibly important juncture in her own transition to motherhood, she was really uncomfortable with asserting herself, for fear of upsetting the relationship. Through tapping she was able to recognise the story that was playing out, release the emotions and come to a place of clarity, that empowered her to have an easy conversation with both women because she was coming from a place of comfort - not fear, guilt, abandonment or misplaced responsibility.
During this period we are ripe for change. The soul is so accessible and the opportunities are many if we are willing to be courageous and embrace them. If you're pregnant, or just had a baby, or even if your children a now older - reflect on the feelings that surface during this period. Don't brush them aside, really look at them, especially the ones that make you uncomfortable in any way because that's where the growth is. Where are you feeling frustrated, not in control, ashamed, guilty, responsible, overwhelmed, scared or sad? What can you feel in your body when you think about those feelings? Write them down, rate their intensity and start tapping. You can follow the basic sequence with your own words, or we can work together if you prefer.
Share your story in the comments if you are willing, so more mamas can know they are not alone, and they are NOT crazy! Better yet, share this post and tag your friend, declare your support.