Posts in Emotional Freedom
Winter Wellness: EFT & Essential Oils

It's started already, people dropping like flies all around me with coughs, colds, fevers, tiredness, viruses and general winter malaise......be gone, I say!  As a mother of small children, I have spent the last few years trudging through the quagmire of winter coughs and colds.  Our first year with two children was particularly horrendous, I think the low point was presenting at the hospital emergency with an 8 month old with pneumonia, only to be followed by her 3 yr old big sister, the very next day.  "Weren't you here yesterday?", um, yes.  Mother of the year!  

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This inundation of germs and sickness really confounded me.  I had always been reasonably healthy, and I come from a family of women who are very strong and healthy.  Sickness just didn't feature.  I found myself observing this onslaught of illness, this constant cycle of snotty nose and respiratory infections, and people telling me 'they're building their immunity', and thinking that I must be able to to do SOMETHING to stem the tide not only of germs, but also of commercial and synthetic products that were so readily recommended by the medical profession.  Often with the caveat "we're not sure if it will make a difference, but it's worth a go".  

In the last 18 months, since we have been using essential oils, our immunity has improved drastically - for the whole family.  Last winter we got through with only two illnesses!  Two, for the whole season, with a 2 yr old and 4 yr old who were both at daycare.  The husband who is asthmatic and generally gets struck down with a chest infection that requires antibiotics at least once a year, has not required any!  That's pretty blood good result I reckon.  Now, taking into account that illness is multi-factorial, my own health has been markedly improved not just by the addition of essential oils, but also through reducing my stress response, and EFT has been a key practice in this space.  As a brief intervention tool, EFT has a remarkable effect on reducing feelings of anxiety, anger, nervousness within a very short timeframe.  I have made a conscious decision to take my wellness into my own hands and do everything I can to improve my health.  This means reducing toxic load (switching to all natural cleaning and personal care products), improving my mental and emotional wellbeing (essential oils, meditation, Qi Gong, EFT, emotional anatomy) and taking care of my physical health (regular movement, plant-based supplements, reduced alcohol, as much sleep as is possible with small children).

I don't believe in a single cure for anything, never have.  We are complex and connected beings, it does not take a single pill, exercise, diet regime, practice or faith to keep us in balance.  It takes a truly holistic approach - mind, body, spirit - on a daily, repeated basis, to keep us returning to balance, as that balance shifts with each passing moment.

Here are the ways in which we keep ourselves healthy through winter:

 

Essential Oils:  

  • On Guard: applied to everyones feet when sickness is around.  I keep an On Guard Hand Sanitiser in my handbag to prevent the spread of germs while out and about, and make all the hand soap in the house with it to improve the efficacy of all hand washing.  PREVENTION IS ALWAYS BETTER THAN CURE.
  • Lemon: in my water daily to boost anti-oxidant levels
  • Frankincense, Balance, Lavender Peace:  to calm and ground the central nervous system reducing anxiety and stress
  • Easy Air:  to clear the airways and support easy breathing 
  • Tea Tree, Lavender, Oregano:  added immune support 

Supplements:

  • Life Long Vitality: celullar health, nutrition support, healthy fats (remember, dōTERRA offer a 30-day money back guarantee on this product so just give it a go, you've got nothing to lose!) 
  • TERRA Greens: nutrition support and leafy green intake when my diet is poor!

EFT:

Emotional Freedom Technique is an effective way to engage the body mind to work FOR you.  The body is always seeking to return to balance, and using EFT to reduce your stress and clear out negative emotions is an important part of achieving balance.  You can also use EFT to strengthen your connection with your physical self, focusing on tuning into specific body systems and organs, supporting their function and the role they play in your overall health.

  • Tapping to clear frustration, anger, resentment, tiredness (all present in abundance when parenting small children!)
  • Tapping into good health and intention, to support a positive frame of mind and build resilience to dealing with life stressors
  • Tapping scripts and audio - use these resources to tap along to guided EFT meditations that are specifically targeted towards supporting your physical and mental health through the winter months.  Enjoy!

If you're new to EFT tapping, check out this brief video for an overview of the practice before starting the meditations.  Private sessions are available in person or online.  If you'd like to explore this option please connect via email, or PM me on facebook and we can get you booked.  Leave a comment and let me know how you go :)

MamaTap

Pregnancy.  The most sacred time in a woman's life.  To bear witness to new life.  To grow, nurture, harness, evolve.  I am so incredibly grateful for my two precious babies.  With one perfectly normal pregnancy and birth, and one completely horrendous one I can genuinely relate to most birth stories.  I've got a pretty well rounded experience.  My youngest is now 2.5 yrs and I am in a position to look back on the last 5 years of journeying into motherhood with a vastly different perspective.

Something I hadn't counted on was how much I would transform and grow.  The evolution of myself.  I honestly thought I would stay the same person!  It's laughable now, and such a reflection of how I thought I knew everything.  I had achieved great success in my career, completed two degrees, had a nice house, car, ate out at all the fancy restaurants and spent far too much money on clothes and wine.  Clearly I was in for some hard-core life lessons.

It's no mistake that life begins in the Sacral Chakra.  The centre of creativity, pleasure and freedom brings forth new life to the world.  Pregnancy is a time when we are most closely connected to ourselves, we are most open to being our true expression.  We can be liberated of all the armoury and revel in the feminine life blood, deep in the knowledge that you have a sacred role in bringing new souls incarnate.  It's wonderful if you are already in that space, but if you're not - say if you're an analytical, over-achieving, control freak - then it can become a pretty uncomfortable space.

Being pregnant, heading into birth, the whole motherhood gig can be pretty bloody intimidating.  The physical transformation is one thing, but the mental and emotional is quite another.  As the birth inches closer you may find yourself relating to others differently, questioning who you are and why on earth you thought this was a good idea.  Questions abound about what kind of mother you will be, how you will know what to do, how you will feel about this new human, about yourself, about your partner.  You change your mind often - spending the last few months looking forward to holding baby, then can't wait for it to be over, then all of a sudden you'd rather baby stays right where it is, safe and sound, well fed, happy and comfortable.  Fears come to the fore about losing your identity and failing at the new one, about loving something so much you will be consumed by it.  Genuine fears about birthing, tearing, pooing on your baby, drugs, emergency c-sections, and the pain.  And really deep, secret fears surface - the kind you don't say out loud - like what happens if you don't like being a mother?  ALL PERFECTLY NORMAL.  But not the kind of thoughts you want running the joint.

EFT is a secret weapon against the roller-coaster of impending motherhood.  EFT will help you shift the emotional charge associated with what's going on, so you can get to the bottom of the fear that's presenting itself and work through into a calmer state.  Calm in what you want in pregnancy, birth and when you bring baby home.  Lots of calm :)

I was recently working with a lovely mama, late in the third trimester of her first pregnancy.  She was struggling with managing the relationships with both her mother and mother-in-law, trying to please them both and also stay true to herself and what she wanted for her birthing experience.  As we tapped, she realised that as a child she had felt responsible for her own mother in the family dynamic, that she had played small so as not to be a burden.  Now, at this incredibly important juncture in her own transition to motherhood, she was really uncomfortable with asserting herself, for fear of upsetting the relationship.  Through tapping she was able to recognise the story that was playing out, release the emotions and come to a place of clarity, that empowered her to have an easy conversation with both women because she was coming from a place of comfort - not fear, guilt, abandonment or misplaced responsibility.

During this period we are ripe for change.  The soul is so accessible and the opportunities are many if we are willing to be courageous and embrace them.  If you're pregnant, or just had a baby, or even if your children a now older - reflect on the feelings that surface during this period.  Don't brush them aside, really look at them, especially the ones that make you uncomfortable in any way because that's where the growth is.  Where are you feeling frustrated, not in control, ashamed, guilty, responsible, overwhelmed, scared or sad?  What can you feel in your body when you think about those feelings?  Write them down, rate their intensity and start tapping.  You can follow the basic sequence with your own words, or we can work together if you prefer.  

Share your story in the comments if you are willing, so more mamas can know they are not alone, and they are NOT crazy!  Better yet, share this post and tag your friend, declare your support. 

Jo x

Trigger Happy: Tapping into Better Parenting
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Do you find yourself having serious, off the richter type reactions to certain people or circumstances?  When you know that your reaction was disproportionate to the event, what is driving you in that moment?  Where is all that emotion coming from?

TRIGGERS.  

Emotional and behavioural triggers work much like the mechanism on a firearm.  Their job is to kickstart a series of steps that lead to an explosion.  The difference with a firearm is that once triggered, it cannot be stopped.  You, us, me, on the other hand, being the complex humans that we are, have some options.  Good to know, right?

For me, it’s my 4 year old daughter.  Surprise, parenting will out your flaws like nothing else!  After a recent battle of wills where she had a tantrum and I lost my tempter, I tuned into the questions that were swirling around in the aftermath.  Where is all this coming from?  This doesn’t happen anywhere else in my life, only with her.  What is it about her, or my relationship with her, that is triggering these feelings?  And what are these feelings exactly?  When this question enters my head, I give myself permission to just say whatever comes to mind, without judgement, as if no-one is listening.  We are our own worst enemies when it comes to judgement.  How ridiculous is it to be ashamed of thoughts in my head, that no-one else can even hear, so much so that I won’t even utter them to myself, such is my concern for what others would think?  So, I asked the question and answered in heartbeat, screaming with rage that ‘she’s disobeying me!’.  

There, I said it.  

Now, those who have been before me know that there is zero point in having an issue with disobedience when your child is 4 yrs old, because you will spend the entirety of your waking hours in misery, trying to enforce obedience.  There is also the part of me that disagrees with the whole notion of ‘obedience’ - a) dog’s require obedience training, not people, and b) I think it’s a bit of an insult to the innate intelligence that we all possess.  We are learning beings that can make complex and comprehensive analytical and emotional assessments of environments and stimuli, we don’t need obedience, we need to sharpen our skills.

All well and good if we were operating in each moment, without influence from ALL our previous moments.  That’s right, if you take just that snapshot of the issue, then a nice, neat, rational response is to determine that it is not logical to expect obedience from a 4 yr old.  In turn, I would ‘let it go’ and promptly ‘calm the f*ck down’.

But that’s not how it works is it?  That’s not how WE work.  Our present experience is inherently influenced by all our previous experiences.  In some cultures, the experiences of generations before us are also included in the frame of reference for our current behaviours.  So, we have to look at all our experiences and ask, is there something in my bank that ties to this response that I’m having in this situation.  Let me be your guinea pig.

My father was a very violent man.  Think black eyes, split lips, bruises, choking, intimidation, manipulation - and that was just towards my mother.  As a child I learned very early on that if you did the wrong thing, bad things happen.  When children experience trauma, the emotional responses become hard-wired in the body.  Up to the age of 7 yrs, brain waves remain in Theta state, meaning that they are basically sub-conscious, or without the filter and protection of the conscious mind.  Everything goes in.  As we grow and start to lock down our neural pathways, those learnings become hard-wired and part of our programming.  

In my case, the emotions stored are fear, intense fear.  When my daughter is being truly ‘disobedient’, that is to say that there is not something else going on with her like sickness, or anxiety, she’s just deciding in that moment to put her foot down and exert her will, a rage swells up inside me.  I can hear my authoritarian parent screaming in anger to ‘just do as your told!’ - even if I haven’t uttered those words.  For the most part my analytical brain manages my responses and we get out of the situation.  But sometimes it doesn’t and I can feel rage consuming me, I walk away from her, slam a door and release the pent up energy in a safe way.  

When this happened recently, I decided to tap on it to see if I could connect with whatever was going on in my inner kingdom.  And this is what came up:

  • my anger is partly me projecting my learned parental behaviours onto my child
  • under my anger lies my latent, intense fear that rises when my own inner child relates to what she is experiencing.  Eg., when Eadie is disobedient and risking trouble, I am triggered and my own inner child freaks out in preparation for what lies ahead.

So I decided to tap on it, and here’s how it went:

  • Round 1: Tapped around my feelings of anger, shame and guilt, and about wanting to understand these feelings and their origin better.  This round helped to reduce the current emotional charge I was feeling, so I could think more clearly and be open to receiving answers to my questions.
  • Round 2: I then tapped about being open to understanding where the anger comes from, and being open to other solutions.  I knew my response was related to my experience of my father, that as a little girl, I didn’t do the wrong thing because bad things would happen.  There was a constant threat of bad things happening.  As I tapped around this, staying open to receive insights, I realised that those behaviours were not mine, that story was not mine - it was my fathers. If I can release ownership of that story and associated behaviours then the following thoughts came to me, ‘What if bad things didn’t happen?  What if it was ok to not have control all the time?’

And that was my ‘aha’ moment.  My realisation that my responses were all about control, fear of losing control.  Not really a surprise as control issues are prevalent for children who have grown up in unstable or unsafe environments!  A revelation nonetheless.  As a parent I tend towards control.  I set rules, boundaries and expectations so that my environment remains stable and safe for me to operate in.  Of course this provides plenty of fodder for my children to rage against as they try to forge their own identities and master their kingdoms.  Writing this I see what an absurdity it is!  Not only is it not necessary, but it is also completely unachievable.  I can be fearful that if I dial back the control, then they will run wild.  From here I quickly realised the answer:

  • Round 3: Maybe she won’t feel like she’s got control of everything.  Maybe she she’ll just feel like she’s got control of some things. Maybe she’ll feel empowered, and she'll relax a little because she doesn't have to fight so hard just to get a little bit of independence.
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This is also not a surprise.  My daughter is anxious by nature (yes, I know where that comes from).  Part of her anxiety comes from not trusting herself.  Part of the reason she doesn’t trust herself is because I (and her father) am too controlling, we don’t let her take enough risks.  We offer her a lot of choices, but not necessarily a lot of independent decision-making, they’re two quite different things. 

With a background in psychology it's easy for me to articulate many views on parenting and appear as though I execute this extraordinary privilege perfectly.  Far from it.  It's important for me to share with you the ways in which I learn about my own behaviours.  None of us, I repeat, none of us, are fully aware of our beliefs and behaviours.  In general, there is quite a discrepancy between the thoughts we think but keep to ourselves, the ones we share with others, and our actual behaviours.  What we actually do in the moment, day to day.  The trick is though, that it's our behaviours that our children (and others) experience of us.  It's our actions that move our bodies, and interact with our minds to create our Self.  Developing awareness is crucial to growth.  Looking in the mirror and seeing your Self, your actions, hearing your thoughts and feeling your feelings is INTEGRAL to growth.  It will not happen, if all you do is think your thoughts without question, without enquiry and exploration, or validation.  

So, now I realise that perhaps allowing her to make more decisions will actually empower her, and it won’t destroy me in the process.  Because even though I may not be able to control everything, it will be ok.  For so many reasons, it will be ok!

EFT and The Stories We Tell

Always through the process of EFT stories are uncovered.  The stories we tell ourselves hold deep patterns of conditioning within, and they can go back generations.  We are so influenced by our stories that it is highly likely we don’t even see them, or if we are aware, then we don’t see the extent to which they permeate our everyday living.

Stories influence the choices we make, and how we show up in our present lives.  As the author and co-creator, we are uniquely positioned to re-write our stories and usher in a new truth that serves better.

Changing your story can shift your future, and it can also shift your past.  Energetically, your soul lives in the here and now, and in the past and in the future.  Tapping into events of the past can provide deep healing for your own soul and all the other souls involved.

If you know what your story is, or at least the one that's causing you issues, then you can get to work!  But maybe you’re not clear on your story?  You know something isn't quite right, you feel stuck somehow or somewhere, but you can't quite pinpoint exactly what it is?  Then tune into the physical feelings of your body, rate the intensity and start tapping on that (learn how to tap in this video).  For example, “Even though I am not quite sure what it is that I need to know, I feel this thing in the pit of my stomach, a niggling feeling that something is not quite right. I’m open to discovering my truth, and I deeply and completely, accept myself and how I feel”.  Do your setup rounds, then tap away on being open to receiving your insights / story.  Keep tuned in to your feelings, the story or memories will present themselves as feelings and lead you into more visual or verbal representations.

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The key to success with EFT is HONESTY.  

You have to be honest with yourself about what comes to mind as you are tapping because those thoughts, feelings and memories are the keys (known as aspects) that will lead you to the core of the issue or block you need to clear.  You may think you have done the work to deal with your mother's death, or your best friend leaving you when you were six years old, or the car accident you saw happen right before your eyes, or the time you nearly drowned in the surf (even if you didn't actually drown but you felt like it!), or the hurtful words that disempowered you and made you shameful before you even knew what that meant.  But guess what?  We are never done.  

We. Are. Never. Done.  

We can grow, we can evolve and we can transform.  But the one thing we cannot do, is stay still.  We cannot be 'done'.  Why?  Because at our foundations, at our smallest particle, at our most infinitesimal being we are energy.  We do not stop.  As long as we are alive we are vibrating energy and the nature of energy is to transform.  The direction of that transformation can be healthy or not, but it will happen either way.  So we will always continue to shift and grow, you can do that from a place of curiosity, joy and openness or you can do it from crisis, or even worse, ignorance.

Our experiences and interactions with others leave indelible prints on us, and we must understand them if we are to free ourselves from them.  

Do the work to make the inner shift, get out of the cycle that has been keeping you stuck, declare your intentions to the universe knowing that you can change your life. Allow today to break your cycles and enter into a new way of being.

Need someone to hold your hand?  Book an online session now and start living your best life.

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