Posts tagged Using EFT
Get Your Soul on the Agenda

There are sssoooooo many reasons why I want you to come to these workshops. So many.

But they all roll up into one big one - because I want the best for you. Sounds cheesy right? But true nonetheless. I love helping others. I love lifting you up. I love helping you release. And I love, love, love helping you re-connect with yourself and FEEL your potential.

When I share the Desire Map work with people, their faces light up, they smile, I can see their hearts engaging. I can see their body being flooded with “I want this because I already feel good just talking about it!”. Every. Single. Time.

I want that for you.

Desire Mapping is a nurturing experience. It is the emotional equivalent of an all day spa-retreat. It’s the thing you do to care for yourself, to renew and rejuvenate and to send the message that says “I give a shit” about me, about how I feel and about how my life pans out.

The Get Your Soul on the Agenda workshop is an opportunity for you to get super clear on what you want, and how to make it happen. You don’t need any experience. Just turn up, ready and willing. I’ll bring the tools, the space, the guidance and the love.

The foundation of this work is the iconic Desire Map. A structured process of enquiry into five life areas, that draws out your core. Your deepest motivators. Your Core Desired Feelings. Wrapped around this process are Emotional Anatomy, Emotional Freedom Technique and Essential Oils, creating a truly unique experience that nurtures you with strength and focus. Aromatic anchoring is paired with EFT to create new emotional memories, making your Core Desired Feelings more accessible and creating visceral, powerful responses in your body. After all, it is the vessel that brings your desires to life!

Check out this sneak peek for a breakdown of the workshop and all that is included. Then head over to eventbrite and grab your ticket. The year ahead has never looked better!

Join me: Saturday January 12, 2019 @ Santosha Yoga Space, Paddington.

Winter Wellness: EFT & Essential Oils

It's started already, people dropping like flies all around me with coughs, colds, fevers, tiredness, viruses and general winter malaise......be gone, I say!  As a mother of small children, I have spent the last few years trudging through the quagmire of winter coughs and colds.  Our first year with two children was particularly horrendous, I think the low point was presenting at the hospital emergency with an 8 month old with pneumonia, only to be followed by her 3 yr old big sister, the very next day.  "Weren't you here yesterday?", um, yes.  Mother of the year!  

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This inundation of germs and sickness really confounded me.  I had always been reasonably healthy, and I come from a family of women who are very strong and healthy.  Sickness just didn't feature.  I found myself observing this onslaught of illness, this constant cycle of snotty nose and respiratory infections, and people telling me 'they're building their immunity', and thinking that I must be able to to do SOMETHING to stem the tide not only of germs, but also of commercial and synthetic products that were so readily recommended by the medical profession.  Often with the caveat "we're not sure if it will make a difference, but it's worth a go".  

In the last 18 months, since we have been using essential oils, our immunity has improved drastically - for the whole family.  Last winter we got through with only two illnesses!  Two, for the whole season, with a 2 yr old and 4 yr old who were both at daycare.  The husband who is asthmatic and generally gets struck down with a chest infection that requires antibiotics at least once a year, has not required any!  That's pretty blood good result I reckon.  Now, taking into account that illness is multi-factorial, my own health has been markedly improved not just by the addition of essential oils, but also through reducing my stress response, and EFT has been a key practice in this space.  As a brief intervention tool, EFT has a remarkable effect on reducing feelings of anxiety, anger, nervousness within a very short timeframe.  I have made a conscious decision to take my wellness into my own hands and do everything I can to improve my health.  This means reducing toxic load (switching to all natural cleaning and personal care products), improving my mental and emotional wellbeing (essential oils, meditation, Qi Gong, EFT, emotional anatomy) and taking care of my physical health (regular movement, plant-based supplements, reduced alcohol, as much sleep as is possible with small children).

I don't believe in a single cure for anything, never have.  We are complex and connected beings, it does not take a single pill, exercise, diet regime, practice or faith to keep us in balance.  It takes a truly holistic approach - mind, body, spirit - on a daily, repeated basis, to keep us returning to balance, as that balance shifts with each passing moment.

Here are the ways in which we keep ourselves healthy through winter:

 

Essential Oils:  

  • On Guard: applied to everyones feet when sickness is around.  I keep an On Guard Hand Sanitiser in my handbag to prevent the spread of germs while out and about, and make all the hand soap in the house with it to improve the efficacy of all hand washing.  PREVENTION IS ALWAYS BETTER THAN CURE.
  • Lemon: in my water daily to boost anti-oxidant levels
  • Frankincense, Balance, Lavender Peace:  to calm and ground the central nervous system reducing anxiety and stress
  • Easy Air:  to clear the airways and support easy breathing 
  • Tea Tree, Lavender, Oregano:  added immune support 

Supplements:

  • Life Long Vitality: celullar health, nutrition support, healthy fats (remember, dōTERRA offer a 30-day money back guarantee on this product so just give it a go, you've got nothing to lose!) 
  • TERRA Greens: nutrition support and leafy green intake when my diet is poor!

EFT:

Emotional Freedom Technique is an effective way to engage the body mind to work FOR you.  The body is always seeking to return to balance, and using EFT to reduce your stress and clear out negative emotions is an important part of achieving balance.  You can also use EFT to strengthen your connection with your physical self, focusing on tuning into specific body systems and organs, supporting their function and the role they play in your overall health.

  • Tapping to clear frustration, anger, resentment, tiredness (all present in abundance when parenting small children!)
  • Tapping into good health and intention, to support a positive frame of mind and build resilience to dealing with life stressors
  • Tapping scripts and audio - use these resources to tap along to guided EFT meditations that are specifically targeted towards supporting your physical and mental health through the winter months.  Enjoy!

If you're new to EFT tapping, check out this brief video for an overview of the practice before starting the meditations.  Private sessions are available in person or online.  If you'd like to explore this option please connect via email, or PM me on facebook and we can get you booked.  Leave a comment and let me know how you go :)

The Holistic Triad
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Ooohhh, I was always fascinated by triads when I was a kid.  The organisation, effectiveness and efficiency appealed to me regardless of the crime!  They were focused on their goals, they utilised the tools necessary to execute them and they were successful.  Triads have an organisational structure that works.  Sure it's not very humane or pleasant but it remains effective over time, and I honour those fundamental characteristics.  And maybe there was a certain element of bad-assery about them :)  

Emotional Anatomy, EFT and essential oils are a match made in heaven when it comes to personal change.  The complexity of human behaviour is such that a single-focus approach will never, ever be the answer.  Think about it.  

Take the medical approach to managing depression, you get prescribed anti-depressants that block the re-uptake of ONE of your happy neurotransmitters so you've got more floating around in your system and you start to feel better, sure.  But you haven't identified the cause of the decline in neurotransmitter, you haven't dealt with the events or relationships that contributed to your despair and you definitely haven't engaged your innate energetic intelligence to release any blocks that are underlying your state of being, allowing you to grow, expand and receive joy.

You could take the psychological approach and seek therapeutic counselling for support.  You'll feel some improvement because you're engaged in a supportive relationship, and hopefully make some behavioural changes to improve life over time.  Standard psychological techniques take a considerable amount of time to work and generally rely on your long-term engagement in a therapeutic relationship.  In the meantime, your biology continues to influence your daily experience through it's reactive neuro-chemical conditioning (the chemical state of our bodies are constantly responding to external and internal stimuli, so while you are continuing to feel and behave in your depression, your body continues to operate in it's matching neuro-chemical soup).  Again, you haven't embraced and addressed the soul aspects of your experience, so you will continue to be confronted with the same lessons, over and over and over again.  Sound familiar?

Or, you take the energetic approach and seek the support of a healer and balance your chakras - you feel very zen for a short period until the root cause of your imbalance which is manifesting as depression reappears (because it will, until you address it) and bam, you're all out of whack again.

Don't get me wrong, each of these tools are a wonderful support and I admire every single person that takes brave action to help themselves improve their life, period.  Action is ALWAYS better than no action, even if it turns out not to be the right action, we learn and we keep taking more action, moving forward.

What I am advocating is a truly holistic approach.

Body. Mind. Soul.

Essential Oils. EFT. Emotional Anatomy.

The Holistic Triad.  Combined, these three tools address your biological state, your emotional baggage and your soul fractures.  In the form of completely pure, organic compounds that work in symbiosis with the human body (as opposed to synthetic drugs which are antagonists by nature), clinically proven psychological techniques that engage human energy systems and, the practical physical manifestation of your soul's developmental journey.

Whhaaaaatt?  I hear you say.  It's a lot to take in, I know.  But it's also really simple.  As long as you are open to to a couple of possibilities: 

  1. Everything is ENERGY
  2. Everything is CONNECTED

If you accept that everything is energy, and everything is connected, then it makes perfect sense that we can use these tools to change our lives.  If we take the example of depression above - using the natural chemistry of essential oils we can shift our mood, improve sleep, calm nerves and increase energy.  Using EFT we can identify AND process the experiences that lead to your current feelings so that you can release the related emotions that are keeping you in a depressed state.  Again, essential oils emotionally anchor your growth and provide stability through the process.  Using Emotional Anatomy we can uncover your innate characteristics and traits that help you to understand how and why you made the decisions you did, and change the way you relate to your Self, so that you make decisions that are better aligned from here forward.  When you act from a place of alignment then you make decisions that work for you, that add value to your life and allow you to serve your Self and others well.

What tools do you use to support yourself through growth and change?  Leave a comment, I'd love to know.

Jo x

Trigger Happy: Tapping into Better Parenting
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Do you find yourself having serious, off the richter type reactions to certain people or circumstances?  When you know that your reaction was disproportionate to the event, what is driving you in that moment?  Where is all that emotion coming from?

TRIGGERS.  

Emotional and behavioural triggers work much like the mechanism on a firearm.  Their job is to kickstart a series of steps that lead to an explosion.  The difference with a firearm is that once triggered, it cannot be stopped.  You, us, me, on the other hand, being the complex humans that we are, have some options.  Good to know, right?

For me, it’s my 4 year old daughter.  Surprise, parenting will out your flaws like nothing else!  After a recent battle of wills where she had a tantrum and I lost my tempter, I tuned into the questions that were swirling around in the aftermath.  Where is all this coming from?  This doesn’t happen anywhere else in my life, only with her.  What is it about her, or my relationship with her, that is triggering these feelings?  And what are these feelings exactly?  When this question enters my head, I give myself permission to just say whatever comes to mind, without judgement, as if no-one is listening.  We are our own worst enemies when it comes to judgement.  How ridiculous is it to be ashamed of thoughts in my head, that no-one else can even hear, so much so that I won’t even utter them to myself, such is my concern for what others would think?  So, I asked the question and answered in heartbeat, screaming with rage that ‘she’s disobeying me!’.  

There, I said it.  

Now, those who have been before me know that there is zero point in having an issue with disobedience when your child is 4 yrs old, because you will spend the entirety of your waking hours in misery, trying to enforce obedience.  There is also the part of me that disagrees with the whole notion of ‘obedience’ - a) dog’s require obedience training, not people, and b) I think it’s a bit of an insult to the innate intelligence that we all possess.  We are learning beings that can make complex and comprehensive analytical and emotional assessments of environments and stimuli, we don’t need obedience, we need to sharpen our skills.

All well and good if we were operating in each moment, without influence from ALL our previous moments.  That’s right, if you take just that snapshot of the issue, then a nice, neat, rational response is to determine that it is not logical to expect obedience from a 4 yr old.  In turn, I would ‘let it go’ and promptly ‘calm the f*ck down’.

But that’s not how it works is it?  That’s not how WE work.  Our present experience is inherently influenced by all our previous experiences.  In some cultures, the experiences of generations before us are also included in the frame of reference for our current behaviours.  So, we have to look at all our experiences and ask, is there something in my bank that ties to this response that I’m having in this situation.  Let me be your guinea pig.

My father was a very violent man.  Think black eyes, split lips, bruises, choking, intimidation, manipulation - and that was just towards my mother.  As a child I learned very early on that if you did the wrong thing, bad things happen.  When children experience trauma, the emotional responses become hard-wired in the body.  Up to the age of 7 yrs, brain waves remain in Theta state, meaning that they are basically sub-conscious, or without the filter and protection of the conscious mind.  Everything goes in.  As we grow and start to lock down our neural pathways, those learnings become hard-wired and part of our programming.  

In my case, the emotions stored are fear, intense fear.  When my daughter is being truly ‘disobedient’, that is to say that there is not something else going on with her like sickness, or anxiety, she’s just deciding in that moment to put her foot down and exert her will, a rage swells up inside me.  I can hear my authoritarian parent screaming in anger to ‘just do as your told!’ - even if I haven’t uttered those words.  For the most part my analytical brain manages my responses and we get out of the situation.  But sometimes it doesn’t and I can feel rage consuming me, I walk away from her, slam a door and release the pent up energy in a safe way.  

When this happened recently, I decided to tap on it to see if I could connect with whatever was going on in my inner kingdom.  And this is what came up:

  • my anger is partly me projecting my learned parental behaviours onto my child
  • under my anger lies my latent, intense fear that rises when my own inner child relates to what she is experiencing.  Eg., when Eadie is disobedient and risking trouble, I am triggered and my own inner child freaks out in preparation for what lies ahead.

So I decided to tap on it, and here’s how it went:

  • Round 1: Tapped around my feelings of anger, shame and guilt, and about wanting to understand these feelings and their origin better.  This round helped to reduce the current emotional charge I was feeling, so I could think more clearly and be open to receiving answers to my questions.
  • Round 2: I then tapped about being open to understanding where the anger comes from, and being open to other solutions.  I knew my response was related to my experience of my father, that as a little girl, I didn’t do the wrong thing because bad things would happen.  There was a constant threat of bad things happening.  As I tapped around this, staying open to receive insights, I realised that those behaviours were not mine, that story was not mine - it was my fathers. If I can release ownership of that story and associated behaviours then the following thoughts came to me, ‘What if bad things didn’t happen?  What if it was ok to not have control all the time?’

And that was my ‘aha’ moment.  My realisation that my responses were all about control, fear of losing control.  Not really a surprise as control issues are prevalent for children who have grown up in unstable or unsafe environments!  A revelation nonetheless.  As a parent I tend towards control.  I set rules, boundaries and expectations so that my environment remains stable and safe for me to operate in.  Of course this provides plenty of fodder for my children to rage against as they try to forge their own identities and master their kingdoms.  Writing this I see what an absurdity it is!  Not only is it not necessary, but it is also completely unachievable.  I can be fearful that if I dial back the control, then they will run wild.  From here I quickly realised the answer:

  • Round 3: Maybe she won’t feel like she’s got control of everything.  Maybe she she’ll just feel like she’s got control of some things. Maybe she’ll feel empowered, and she'll relax a little because she doesn't have to fight so hard just to get a little bit of independence.
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This is also not a surprise.  My daughter is anxious by nature (yes, I know where that comes from).  Part of her anxiety comes from not trusting herself.  Part of the reason she doesn’t trust herself is because I (and her father) am too controlling, we don’t let her take enough risks.  We offer her a lot of choices, but not necessarily a lot of independent decision-making, they’re two quite different things. 

With a background in psychology it's easy for me to articulate many views on parenting and appear as though I execute this extraordinary privilege perfectly.  Far from it.  It's important for me to share with you the ways in which I learn about my own behaviours.  None of us, I repeat, none of us, are fully aware of our beliefs and behaviours.  In general, there is quite a discrepancy between the thoughts we think but keep to ourselves, the ones we share with others, and our actual behaviours.  What we actually do in the moment, day to day.  The trick is though, that it's our behaviours that our children (and others) experience of us.  It's our actions that move our bodies, and interact with our minds to create our Self.  Developing awareness is crucial to growth.  Looking in the mirror and seeing your Self, your actions, hearing your thoughts and feeling your feelings is INTEGRAL to growth.  It will not happen, if all you do is think your thoughts without question, without enquiry and exploration, or validation.  

So, now I realise that perhaps allowing her to make more decisions will actually empower her, and it won’t destroy me in the process.  Because even though I may not be able to control everything, it will be ok.  For so many reasons, it will be ok!